Teen Therapy

As a parent, it can be incredibly painful to watch your child struggle, as it is frustrating to find yourself locked into battles, power struggles, and painful interactions.  The volatility of emotion, fights or withdrawal are confounding and it can seem like there is no way to reach them.  Their attitude and behaviors are difficult or painful to be a part of and talking it through isn’t working.  How could a teen therapist help?

While I work well with teens facing different kinds of dilemmas, I specialize in working with adolescents that are considered “difficult” or hard to manage.  These kids are particularly sensitive to the environment around them and struggle with fitting in or getting along with their age group.  While adolescence is a difficult time for all teens, some are more sensitive or, more accurately, more sensitized to the world than others.  These teens are often particularly bright (even if their grades don’t reflect this) and are tuned into the social or emotional dynamics of their environments to such a degree that it is getting them in trouble or creating a painful home or school environment.  They get into trouble for speaking up, controlling, criticizing, or bullying other kids and often find themselves ostracized or pushed to the margins.

What’s going on?

As children move into adolescence, their brains are changing the way they process information.  We can imagine that they are “seeing” the world in a new and strange way.  As children, their ability to process emotional content is fairly limited and abstract.  The world is fairly black and white and there is a sense of  “this is how it is”, without much understanding of who they are or much experience to imagine things differently.  As they gain a new capacity for articulating themselves, insight into their family context and that of others, and a growing sense of curiosity of where they fit and who they are, and rapidly expanding emotional landscape, their increasingly (but still quite nascent!) rational brain tries to come up with explanations.  Therapy with teens is about keeping these different factors in mind and being able to work with them and track how their neurological, social, cognitive, and biochemical levels are informing their behaviors, thoughts and feelings.

While this is a natural developmental process, that doesn’t mean it is an easy one for you or them because remember, while this is happening, they are also riding a biochemical roller coaster.  The conclusions that teens can form are still quite “me-centered” and can turn into painful messages such as “they would be better off without me” or “if I were prettier/stronger/thinner I wouldn’t feel this way” or “no one seems to understand what I am going through, so no one probably ever will” or “my life would be so much better without you  (parent).” While this is a best attempt at explaining a complex and confusing world, it makes for a painful experience for the teen, as well as the families at a loss for how to help them. By working with a teen therapist, your teen has an opportunity to gain an outside perspective that is free of the intricate dynamics inherent in the parent/child bond.

By working with a teen therapist, your teen has an opportunity to gain an outside perspective that is free of the intricate dynamics inherent in the parent/child bond.

From a Teen’s Perspective

As a teen, it can feel like the mistakes we’ve made have ruined everything and there is no going back.  Social pressure or bullying at school, trying to keep up grades but falling behind, or feeling totally alone is undeniably painful and hard to cope with.  If our parents knew how we really felt it would just worry them more and so we’re stuck.  We’re trying to do the best we can but it turns out that doesn’t seem to be good enough and so the pain and disappointment just compounds the feelings of not good enough. We’ve got some strategies for getting through and even if we know they aren’t good for us, we no idea how to cope and get through without them. We’ve gotten so far away from where we used to be and it seems like there is no going back.  When these are the things that are happening, think of a teen therapist as an ally and the best kind of friend, one that doesn’t judge, can understand your reasoning, help you cope with difficult situations, and give you skills to better manage your world going forward.

Options for support through this difficult time can often be a challenge in and of themselves as many therapists do not work with this population and in-patient support in hospitals is overwhelmingly brief. This is especially unfortunate because this age is a dynamic time and a teen therapist relationship can make a lifelong impact on psycho-social development.Having worked with teens in the only dedicated adolescent in-patient psychiatric unit in San Francisco, I have worked with teens going through a variety of painful experiences and one thing most of them have in common is that they feel totally alone and like they are the only one that feels this way.  Therapy for teens is about having a safe place to work through these experiences, get support and care in the face of difficulty, and learn the skills they will need to get their needs met and move into the world with more confidence, flexibility, and a sense of “I’m okay” inside.

I have experience working with a variety of conditions, difficulties, a few of which are listed below. If you or your teen want to work together to figure our your relationship and how to mend the space between, family therapy can result in profound change, not just for the teen but for the entire family.

• Suicidality and suicide attempts
• Cutting and self mutilation
• Body image
• Low Self Esteem
• Loneliness and difficulty establishing relationships
• Uncontrollable Anger
• Chemical dependence
• Difficulty in school
• Eating Disorders
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Obsessive-Compulsive Behaviors
• Hyper-sexuality
• Difficulty adjusting to changes in family and home structure